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deirdreA friend of mine committed suicide recently, and I happened to be in the social group where we hung out a lot tonight. Someone hadn't heard, and then asked what had happened.
Another person then asked me, "Do you want to tell him?"
Publicly, no one's said anything about suicide, and I'm a bit surprised. My friend had a support group that he didn't know existed, and he kept things bottled up. He was giving a pep talk to someone about job hunting less than a week before he killed himself -- ironically enough, he was obviously the one who needed the pep talk.
He'd filed bankruptcy just before the laws changed, but because of arcane rules about what can be discharged in a chapter 7 vs. what can be discharged in a chapter 13, it had to be a 13 in order to take care of the debt that was hurting the most. Of course, that requires continued payments for several years.
Then he lost his job. In August, he told me privately that he had until October 20 to save his house. At that time, he didn't tell me that his bankruptcy had been dismissed because he couldn't make the payments. He'd never mentioned that. You might think it odd that he would mention it, but our social circle is about finance, and we don't judge each other. We try to help each other out.
He didn't ask for help -- not from anyone -- and he could have. There are so many other places he could have gotten help, many for free. Like many people in a crisis, he couldn't see past his nose.
And so, not long after that day came and went, I get a call from the family. My friend is dead. Separately, I hear that he'd killed himself, which I then confirmed.
Intellectually, I can almost understand how he got into the state where he felt that killing himself would be solving a problem for the family, and how it would be easier for them with him gone. What I can't understand is why he didn't tell anyone how much trouble he was in, especially those of us who might have been able to relieve a bit of the pressure.
So, please -- if you're in trouble -- please reach out to someone. If they fail you, please reach out to someone else. Spread the misery around a bit to your friends and don't keep it bottled up. It's true we can't solve your problems for you, but maybe what we can offer will be enough.
Also, if you need just that little bit of extra help in a crisis but are otherwise eking by, I'd like to point out Modest Needs.
Another person then asked me, "Do you want to tell him?"
Publicly, no one's said anything about suicide, and I'm a bit surprised. My friend had a support group that he didn't know existed, and he kept things bottled up. He was giving a pep talk to someone about job hunting less than a week before he killed himself -- ironically enough, he was obviously the one who needed the pep talk.
He'd filed bankruptcy just before the laws changed, but because of arcane rules about what can be discharged in a chapter 7 vs. what can be discharged in a chapter 13, it had to be a 13 in order to take care of the debt that was hurting the most. Of course, that requires continued payments for several years.
Then he lost his job. In August, he told me privately that he had until October 20 to save his house. At that time, he didn't tell me that his bankruptcy had been dismissed because he couldn't make the payments. He'd never mentioned that. You might think it odd that he would mention it, but our social circle is about finance, and we don't judge each other. We try to help each other out.
He didn't ask for help -- not from anyone -- and he could have. There are so many other places he could have gotten help, many for free. Like many people in a crisis, he couldn't see past his nose.
And so, not long after that day came and went, I get a call from the family. My friend is dead. Separately, I hear that he'd killed himself, which I then confirmed.
Intellectually, I can almost understand how he got into the state where he felt that killing himself would be solving a problem for the family, and how it would be easier for them with him gone. What I can't understand is why he didn't tell anyone how much trouble he was in, especially those of us who might have been able to relieve a bit of the pressure.
So, please -- if you're in trouble -- please reach out to someone. If they fail you, please reach out to someone else. Spread the misery around a bit to your friends and don't keep it bottled up. It's true we can't solve your problems for you, but maybe what we can offer will be enough.
Also, if you need just that little bit of extra help in a crisis but are otherwise eking by, I'd like to point out Modest Needs.